The Write Word

Liquid Words

I am usually a happy person.  I am easily pleased; it’s hard to get my goat.  I have everything a person needs to be happy.  And more.  I am filled with the Holy Spirit.

Considering that things are mostly peaceful in my life right now, imagine my confusion when I almost fell off an emotional cliff last week.  My baby fell and chipped off a piece of his front tooth, and I was overwhelmed with anguish.  I knew it will be a daily reminder to me that I was unable to keep him from the fall.  A mark of my failure as a mother. 

After the initial meltdown, mine not his, I tried to find the greater truth in the situation.  For crying out loud, which I did, long and loud, it is just a tooth.  It will be replaced.  It’s not terminal.  So why the over reaction?  As I prayed over it and let the Holy Spirit breathe through me this week, I realize that I am grieving many things, the tooth just chipped off the cover they’d been hiding  under.

I am grieving the loss of my parent’s marriage.  I am grieving the loss of a father to bi-polar condition. I am grieving the childhood loss of innocence at the hand of a trusted family friend.  I am grieving that someone I love has been deceived and wronged. I am grieving physical losses.  I am grieving the loss of some of my dreams that are never going to be realized, sacrificed on the alter of better things.  Not because I am a whiney baby.  Because I am human.  Because I am trapped in a prison of blood, bone and chemicals.

And in pouring out my heart, to the Father, I am being washed.  The unspeakable anguish is translated perfectly in my tears.  Tears, the messengers of pain, loss, love, sorrow, grief, joy, anguish, repentance & forgiveness. They well up in the heart, wash up through the soul, spill out over the eyelids, and cascade down the cheeks. Liquid words. Gifts of my Heavenly Father, who knew I would need them.

They wash away the grime, for a little while.  Leaving me cleansed.  Leaving me sparkling again, these healing, cleansing rivers of tears.  Never miss an opportunity to wash your soul with tears.